I Can't Recommend This Article

I had a fairly fun-filled and exciting Friday evening last night, as some of you may know.  I hit the bars/clubs downtown and consumed spirits and other adult beverages with friends of ill repute from my college days, as well as a few of my coworkers.

Weight:     298.2 lbs
Body Fat: 40.9%
Water:      45.3%

I did have a few beers and a rather starchy/fatty dinner (steak frites) so I expect that the "weight loss" over yesterday is purely dehydration.

Tonight: drinking and board games with nerds.  Think I'll take it a bit easy on the booze (I like to lie to myself) tonight, since I had so much fun last night.  I've only got another week up here, then I can get back home to my proper diet foods and all that goodness.

So, here is where music goes, but I was going to grab a later lyric from the song and started to type the first lyric into Google to get the full set of lyrics to make sure I wasn't fucking it up.  As I typed the words in, I got the following screencap.  Now, that is a book with a sassy-looking woman on the cover, and therefore only something I would read if it were a free Kindle book.  Man, this is definitely one of those things I can't write about without it turning sexist real quick.  She's so hot she's making me sexist... bitch.





And that's how I went from posting Jay-Z to Flight of the Conchords.  Cool story, right bro?


On another tangential note: I don't do libraries.  I read a ton of books, and I like free things, but I don't do libraries.  Readers can be divided into two groups (ok, readers can be divided in many ways, but each of those many sub-groups can be further divided into these two groups, so roll with it you contentious ass): those who love libraries and library books and those who need to own a book.  There's a thousand different reasons we non-libary people can come up with to justify this position, but it all boils down to a simple thing:


Whether it be paperback, hardcover or e-book, we like buying and owning books.  I could tell you that it's about supporting the people who write what I like, which is true, but I also sometimes buy books I know I'm going to hate.

My default reaction of hate and vengeance would seem to dictate that I would either pirate these books or go to the library to read them to deny the author my sweet sweet cash, but I buy them.  Maybe it's more of a compulsion than anything, but it's a relatively inexpensive one in terms of buying books that are terrible.


On the other hand, and this is me, not non-library people in general, I absolutely hate receiving books as gifts.  I don't think I've ever read a book I didn't pick up off the shelf in a store or select on the internet and determined that I wanted to read outside of academia.  Even if it's a book that I may be interested in and that I might enjoy, I never read them.  They have a particular place on my bookshelf, and when it gets too full, I start tossing books.


Related somewhat to this is the fact that I throw out all self help/improvement books I'm given.  OF ANY KIND.  For a long time, I kept them on that shelf out of guilt about getting rid of gifts, but a few years ago, I realized that it was pointless.  I'm fairly certain everyone I know now knows this about me, because I haven't received any in awhile, and I feel a little bit bad about some of the hurt feelings, but mo sociopathy keeps me warm at night.


I've never felt that real character or skill growth can happen in a controlled manner, for me, at least, it always has to come organically.  A (well-written) piece of fiction about a character with traits that you think you would like to emulate is a much better way to learn to be self-confident than reading a book about how you should accept you as a person because you and EVERYONE DESERVES A NEW CAR BECAUSE THEY ARE AWESOME AND HATERS GONNA HATE BUT EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL AND SPECIAL AND WONDERFUL AND I'M FAT AGAIN AN...


Ahem, tangent.  Really, mind-fucking your way to success is what it's all about.  Read many books about protagonists with traits that you'd like to see in yourself, and you may start to see them.  I have a bad habit of picking up dialogue from certain characters in books I read, which can get a bit strange, especially if I'm on a British author kick.  Especially a British author that loves to deliberately butcher both English and Latin phrases to make a funny.  DAMN YOU PRATCHETT!


I think I'm just going to cut myself off here, because I'm about six steps beyond rambling and when I start to get angry about talk-show hosts and satire authors, that's when I know it's time to stop blogging and start drinking.


Have a pleasant weekend, Fatheads.

Tie Me Up, Before

So I ate a bit too much yesterday at lunch.  I had some beef tacos and chips, and I should have ditched the chips.  For dinner I ate at a Thai place with some co-workers, which was quite good.

Weight:     300 lbs
Body Fat: 41.9%
Water:      44.5%

I've rarely eaten Thai food, not so much as a function of a lack of desire, as it is a function of the places I've lived/friends I've had not being big on it.  I got "Boat Noodle Soup" with chicken, 4* (hotness scale that they first told me went to 5, but later said something about 9, I will go higher, next time).  It was a huge amount of noodles, and I only had time to eat about 1/4 of it while we were in the restaurant.  When I got home, I ate most of the rest of the broth  (which was pretty fantastic) along with half of the remaining noodles.

I'm eating what's left for breakfast, because screw you, stomach.  What have you done for me lately?



Tonight: dinner and drinks with friends.  Tomorrow: drinks and... board games?  I really dig on the nerds up here.

I'm off to the wild blue yonder, Fatheads.

I'm a Zombie, Now

I ate brains last night.

Weight:     298.8 lbs
Body Fat: 40.7%
Water:      45.4%

I tried to tweet a picture of it from my phone, but I think that POS failed at twitter, again.  I'll try again after I get on the way to work.

I'm not sure if it was the brains, or the other I'm not sure what this is organ that I ate, but I needed a palate-cleanser after I left the restaurant, for which I decided on cheesecake.  Apparently, cheesecake after brains is a poor decision, and I lost most of it in a battle with the porcelain god.

The other wonderful end result of this was that I had the taste of brains in my mouth all night.  We can summarize by saying that I do not recommend eating brains.





You knew this was inevitable.


G'day, Fatheads.

Looking For Nothing But Breakfast

So, yesterday wasn't quite the success that I hoped for.  It was miserable and snowy, and that did not put me in the mind of a salad, so I ate a sandwich+chips for lunch and McDonalds for dinner.  I HAVE, just so you all know, been only eating a granola bar and coffee for breakfast most mornings, sometimes accompanied by a piece of fruit.

Weight:     300.8 lbs
Body Fat: 41.5%
Water:      44.8%

I still feel kind of ill, and I hate not being able to shake that sort of feeling.  Hopefully I'll be back to my old rakish self by the end of today.



Hopefully, I'll ALSO leave the plant at a decent hour today rather than staying late as I had to yesterday.  I'm learning all manner of new things up here I haven't done at my other location, so that's good, but it's hard to feel like you're accomplishing anything when you don't work that many issues.


Later, Fatheads.

Silent Shame

I've been too busy for most of this week to write updates, and those of you who have been paying attention know that a quiet Fatass is one who has been too busy to be bothered to eat right.

Weight:     303 lbs
Body Fat: 41.7%
Water:      44.7%

I had a bit of a wild weekend, and have definitely been breaking my own rules about lunches (eating burgers and fries instead of nice healthy salads, etc.).  I've even gone so far as to allow myself a beer with dinner on several nights.   Yea and verily did I consume the things that thou shalt not consume, and at a length of nearly a week.  I've been bad about drinking my water, too, barely finishing off a single quart over the course of the work day.


At any rate, I'm trying to get back on track today.  I'll grab a salad for lunch, and get back to drinking a minimum 1 quart of water in the morning, and another in the afternoon


In unrelated news, the Pacific Northwest seems like a pretty decent place to live, other than the lack of sun, which hasn't been much of a problem the last few weeks.  There's an interesting mix of nerds and outdoors-men here that I feel like I could get behind.  Rather against it, I'm afraid, is the lack of palm trees and days on which no jacket is required.

The desperate way they speak of how amazing summer is up here is also a bit worrisome.  Not necessarily because of the idea of only 2 months out of the entire year being wonderfully only 75-80 degrees, but more because they only have those two months of beautiful weather to look forward to all year.  Sure, it doesn't generally get SUPER cold up here, and it never gets SUPER hot, but you know what the nuns would call that shit.


Limbo.


Yeah, I'm pretty sure that if I had to start out with building limbo from scratch, I'd begin with the weather from up here.  I'd even keep the 2 months of semi-beautiful weather.  Because I'm pretty sure that they only look so good because of the other 9 months of absolutely horrid weather, and serve to make the rest of it that much more miserable by comparison.  You see (and this is the part where the Catholic/Dante's Divine Comedy jokes are gonna get a bit thick, so you might want to shut your brain off right now)  the great punishment of purgatory is the denial of the presence of God (fucking esoteric, right?) and it's made all the worse by the knowledge of the nearness of God's divine grace (summer).  And even when they GET summer up here, it's only a pale imitation of what you can get in the rest of the world, so it's not the TRUE grace of God present in their lives.  What I'm trying to say is this:

Unbaptized babies go to Seattle.


Chew on THAT, Fatheads.

Sunday Madness

I worked a bit of a long day yesterday, coming back to the hotel after 10, so I'm running a bit late today/need to keep it brief.  I had a rather large breakfast yesterday, and ate a few granola bars and 2 apples over the course of my day at work.  For dinner, I had a bbq chicken wrap with a side of steak fries and melon.

Weight:     298.6 lbs
Body Fat: 41.6%
Water:      44.7%


Something Something go crazy.





Later, Fatheads.

Sunday Success

Well, I worked yesterday.  I figure: they're paying me to be up here to get experience and learn the job, not to take a vacation, so I should maximize the experience I get, which means I'll be working today, too.  Over the day, I had a few yogurts, an apple or two, a snack bar, and a Nutrisystem lunch bar.

For dinner, I had fast-food Chinese, with fried sugary chicken and noodles, which was a terrible decision.  I never have the joint that serves that stuff in my home cities anymore (at least, for the last 7 years), so it's always an exciting novelty to go to one.  I always seem to end up ill after doing so, however, so I should really quit it.  There are a few other reasons for doing relatively cheap takeout tonight, but I won't get into them.

Weight:     297.8 lbs
Body Fat: 41.2%
Water:      45%

So it's been a pretty good week of hotel/expense account living so far, I think.  There've been some rough spots, but through ridiculously long walks around the plant (comes with a ridiculously large plant) and keeping myself mostly under control, I think it's going better.  I'm going to recommit to protein and vegetables for dinner, I think, because most of my rough spots have come from a direct result of too many carbs at dinner.  They're alright a bit earlier in the day, when you're probably going to burn them off taking your fat ass up and down hills, but not so much in the evening, when you are going to pass out in your bed.

Well, I'm going to get my laundry organized to send out (I've volunteered as the test case for the service here, largely because I don't really like doing laundry in hotels/laundromats), grab a shower, pack a lunch, and then eat breakfast here in the hotel before I go to work.  I'm supposed to eat dinner at some brewery tonight, where I will continue not drinking beer and probably get a steak and salad, no potato.



Where's my clock necklace?  Salaam Alaykum, Fatheads.

Overdoing It

I overdid it a bit at dinner and lunch yesterday.  For lunch, I had some chinese food (noodles and orange chicken) and for dinner, I had Salmon Cakes (think crab cake, only they basically just took nice big chunks of salmon, rolled them in batter and fried them) and a Calamari appetizer.  The cakes came with a side of rice, the devil's food, which I over-indulged in.

Also, I ordered a double whiskey, neat, and they brought me a tumbler full of whiskey.  Now, I enjoy my whiskey, and I appreciate a good deal, but a 'single' is 2oz, generally, sometimes 3oz at a kind establishment, certainly not 4oz.  8oz is a pretty hefty drink to start a meal with, is all I'm saying.

Weight:     300.2 lbs
Body Fat: 42.5 %
Water:      44.5%

Not really a huge change from yesterday, so I'll take it.  I'm heading in to work, so I'll catch ya'll later.



G'day, Fatheads.

Bad Behavior Has Consequences

So I'd been getting increasingly off-message with my behavior on the expense account, and today's standstill shows that it's time to get back to salads and protein.

Weight:     299.6 lbs
Body Fat: 41.6%
Water:      44.7%

If you'd rather not look (I wouldn't) that's down a bit from yesterday, but basically the same weight.  I had pizza and a large salad for dinner last night, and a large turkey bacon cheddar sandwich with a large salad for lunch.   Clearly, I need to continue walking to the far cafeteria, but tone down what I'm letting myself eat there (back to just salad) and I need to go back to salad with a protein entree (fish, steak or chicken) for dinner.





Well, it's probably time to actually do that whole work thing that they're paying me to be here to do.


G'day, Fatheads.

Stretch Your Legs

I went to the nice option for lunch yesterday, which involved a mile-long walk over hills each way.  I think that justified the ham sandwich I had with my salad.  I also had some nachos (small amount) and half a grilled chicken wrap for dinner.

Weight:     299.8 lbs
Body Fat: 41.5%
Water:      44.5%

Clearly, I just need to have to walk for many miles every day at work to lose weight.

 

Now: back to my reason for coming here, the workings.


G'day, Fatheads.

Good Decisions, Bad Decisions

I ate in the work cafeteria yesterday for lunch (chicken sandwich and a salad) and had dinner out with coworkers (calamari and oysters before dinner, with stuffed cod, potatoes and asparagus for an entree).  It's kind of hard to resist eating out, but I think my decisions were mostly sound.

Weight:     302 lbs
Body Fat: 42.2%
Water:      44.3%

As you can see, it seems to have turned out alright.

 

In a hurry, you know the drill, enjoy your day, Fatheads.

Hotel Living... Again

So I'm living in a hotel again, and that makes my life more interesting, from a diet perspective.  I've got some Nutrisystem breakfasts, lunches and dinners, and I went to the supermarket yesterday to grab some basic vegetables/fruits/carbs/etc.  I also picked up some South Beach snack bars because I couldn't fit any snack bars in my bag.

Weight: 304.4 lbs

Not even sure if that's right, because I've eaten like crap the last two days, and I'm ALSO dehydrated.  Then again, I haven't crapped in 3000 miles, so who knows?



I'm going to work up a quick breakfast, try to crap, shower and get on the road.  I have only the vaguest idea of where I'm going today, so it should be interesting.

G'day, Fatheads.

Wasted Weekend

So, I've got the Super Bowl on in the background here, because I'm busy as hell getting my place cleaned up and my bags packed so that I can get on the road tomorrow morning.  I'm going on an extended trip for training for work, and that means things like massive amounts of dining out as well as extended travel.
 
I forgot to take pictures of the bag as I was packing, but maybe I'll take them when I get into the hotel tomorrow.  I packed dinner and lunches for about half the days I"ll be there, and I can pick up substitutes when I get out there for what I couldn't pack.  Thankfully, I'll have a rental and some basic fridge/microwave facilities available to me in my hotel room, so keeping groceries won't be a big deal.

Oh, and I also packed my scale, so Fatness updates will resume either Tuesday or Wednesday, probably.

Unfortunately, I'm an idiot and booked a 6am flight tomorrow... so I'm basically not sleeping tonight, hence putting off all my packing/cleaning until the middle of the Super Bowl.



Fucking Packers, the Steelers had better start fucking playing in this game, because there's very little worse than a Green Bay win.  Possibly Stalin.  Stalin might be worse than Green Bay winning.

For today only, Go Steelers, Fatheads!

Weekend Fatness

I let myself off the leash a bit yesterday.  I was stuck with buying lunch at work, because I wasn't there for long and I forgot to eat breakfast/pack a lunch before I left home, and they serve nothing healthy there.  Apparently, all their sandwiches are on croissants and when you get "chips and a pickle" with the meal, they give you a giant boat of chips.  Things didn't get better last night, with my delicious (read: unhealthy) takeout dinner, and a late-night sandwich delivery after a certain number of rum and diets were consumed.  At least I didn't drink beer?

Weight:     299.4 lbs
Body Fat: 42.7%
Water:      43.9%

Plan for today: half of the second sandwich I ordered last night now, go out to the deli for a salad for dinner, and save the remaining half of the sandwich and bag of chips for drunk snack, should it be required.



For the record: I'd rather have a tail than giant ears.


Time to clean, Fatheads.

Another Big One

Man, this week is just spinning past.

Weight:     296.6 lbs
Body Fat: 40.9%
Water:      45.3%

I have many things to take care of this weekend, and I'm basically out of foodstuffs of a non-Nutrisystem variety at this point, so I'm completely dependent on the kindness of strange waiters. 


On a side note:  I fucking hate it when waiters/bartenders don't know basic drink terminology.  I have the simplest drink on the planet, usually.  Sometimes I order martinis, but most of the time, I order either a single or a double of whiskey (I order by Brand, if you don't, you're a well-drink chugging chump) neat, and I'm astonished at the number of times I've been served watered-down whiskey on ice (NB: I do sometimes get some water on the side and have a splash, or if I'm at a good bar, I'll have them splash some water in, but most of the time I drink Jack, which I prefer without the splash).  As someone who usually just wants to enjoy a small glass or two of warm liquor with my meal (cold whiskey is for communists) this really pisses me off.  [if you work in a restaurant or bar, fucking read this, or I'm not tipping you anymore]

 


At any rate, I need to get my ass out the door, so we'll play more catchup later, Fatheads.

Brain Movin Slow

I'm not in the crazy rush to get out the door that I have been all week.  The project I was on is no longer in the "follow it across 2 shifts get barely any sleep and then go back and do it again" phase, so my lack of impetus is leading to a severe lack of clarity of thought.

Weight:     297.8 lbs
Body Fat: 40.9%
Water:      45.3%

 At least that's good.  I continue to not buy groceries, mostly because I will be traveling next week.  I will continue to live off of takeout salads and Nutrisystem where possible.  You know, I paid a buck fiddy for a goddamned orange in the cafeteria yesterday?  That is insane.  I may need to buy just a day or two's worth of groceries tonight.  We shall see.





Going back in time always disappoints.


G'day Fatheads.

Almost Forgot A Title

God damnit, Blackberry.  So, if you should wake up earlier than you intend to, never look at your work Blackberry and start to write an email, if you do, you will inevitably become fully awake and end up in the office far earlier than you intended, because you've decided  you need to see the things that are there that you don't have at home (airplanes).  Maybe accountants and lawyers don't have this problem...

Weight:     298.8 lbs
Body Fat: 41.2%
Water:      45%

On an unrelated note, I still haven't taken a shit in.. 3 days?  This is beginning to annoy me.  Something about being at work 12 hours a day just doesn't lend itself to peaceful, contemplative time on the crapper.

I took lunch and snacks to work yesterday, and ate dinner out.  I haven't had time to go to the supermarket, and I'm traveling for work soon, so it's hard to justify full loaves of bread or half-gallons of milk, so I'm getting low on supplies, and was unable to have a protein or dairy with breakfast (eggs take too much time when in a hurry).



As a direct result of this, I can't really justify too much writing for this blog this morning, and my brain is already completely focused on work... and possibly taking a crap before I get my shower.

My DJs in a row, Fatheads.

Blackberry is Albatross

I've been known to name my electronics, largely following the logic of several of my classmates in college for computers, ie: "it's a girls name, because I stay up long nights with it etc etc."  But work Crackberry has just been given the name "Albatross around my neck".  Also: did it take anyone else forever to figure out you had to go to messages->folders->sms messages to get your texts?

Weight:     299.6 lbs
Body Fat: 42.7%
Water:      43.9%

 Yesterday was another long day at the office, and I had not packed a dinner, so I went out when I finally left work with a coworker to a wing joint.  It wasn't pretty.  I ate according to the plan during the rest of the day, however, and didn't have beer with dinner (god, I miss beer).

Is it just me, or, at first glance, does the bird's head look like a dong?  And the man is very sad because he has a freakish penis.  [Source: Wikipedia Article]





Back to it, then.


Later, Fatheads