Church, Sin and Oysters

Had a fun and exciting day today.  I went into work kind of late (before 8, though) because I was unable to get up as early as I'd like this morning due to late workout last night keeping me up past my bedtime.  Apparently, there was pizza today at work, which was something of a chore to not eat, but made easier by its meaty goodness adding a level of ACTUAL sin to the whole affair.

I found out in the late morning that I'd be attending a class for entry into confined spaces on aircraft until 5:30 this afternoon, so I deemed my day a success, as I would actually have to flex some time if I didn't take a long lunch (I didn't take a long lunch).  Unfortunately, class ran long, and I ended up leaving a few minutes before the end to get to mass at 6....25.  You see, apparently, a cathedral in a downtown area with limited parking spaces fills up on those big Catholic Guilt days, and I'm a bad Catholic, so I didn't know the best places to wander to find a spot.

I only ended up parking about 2 blocks away, but the exercise was kind of annoying, made more so by the fact that I'm still learning where the ass of my new shiny is, because I've only parallel parked it about never so far.  Nevertheless, I got there just in time for ashes, so I just missed the boring parts where they talk about Jesus and various other important religious figures, and got straight to the chanting and Communion.

I like my Mass traditional, so I think I'm going to get along with this place.  I don't hold with all this group singalong crap that we do these days.  If I wanted that, I'd be a protestant.  No, I'd go for latin mass if I thought I could stand it, but a nice severe service with only high choral music and no attempt at pretending we're Baptists is where it's really at.

After Mass, I decided it was time to head home for the traditional seafood dinner.  I ordered some clam strips, fried flounder, and "buffalo oysters" for dinner, with the vegetable of the day instead of fries.  My personal tradition used to be a (two) Mcdonald's Fish sandwich(es) with many fries, but I stopped myself short of that.  I'm not going to work out tonight, because I don't want to get all amped up and not get to sleep until midnight, again.

G'night, Fatheads

Basically, Don't Eat

Today is an officially ordained "don't eat" day for all of us miserable Catholics out there, so I'm probably also not going to exercise when I get home this evening.

Weight:     299.8 lbs
Body Fat: 41%
Water:      45.2%

 Of course, the fact that I'm sore as hell this morning and chafing like a bear might be contributing to that attitude.  I probably didn't drink enough water after my workout and I KNOW I didn't stretch properly.  We'll see how I feel when I get home.

I really need to not work out as late as I did last night, it threw off my whole schedule of trying to go to bed/wake up on time, so now I need to work a bit later today, and it all just goes into the vicious cycle.

Really, a day of not eating isn't so bad, I used to do it all the time.  I'd not have time for breakfast, and I used to usually skip lunch.  The problems come when you get home in the evening starving and end up eating too much.  Your body's in starvation mode, so that makes it all worse. 

Just going to have to rely on good old-fashioned discerprine.



Self-flagellate, Fatheads.

Silent Shame

I've been too busy for most of this week to write updates, and those of you who have been paying attention know that a quiet Fatass is one who has been too busy to be bothered to eat right.

Weight:     303 lbs
Body Fat: 41.7%
Water:      44.7%

I had a bit of a wild weekend, and have definitely been breaking my own rules about lunches (eating burgers and fries instead of nice healthy salads, etc.).  I've even gone so far as to allow myself a beer with dinner on several nights.   Yea and verily did I consume the things that thou shalt not consume, and at a length of nearly a week.  I've been bad about drinking my water, too, barely finishing off a single quart over the course of the work day.


At any rate, I'm trying to get back on track today.  I'll grab a salad for lunch, and get back to drinking a minimum 1 quart of water in the morning, and another in the afternoon


In unrelated news, the Pacific Northwest seems like a pretty decent place to live, other than the lack of sun, which hasn't been much of a problem the last few weeks.  There's an interesting mix of nerds and outdoors-men here that I feel like I could get behind.  Rather against it, I'm afraid, is the lack of palm trees and days on which no jacket is required.

The desperate way they speak of how amazing summer is up here is also a bit worrisome.  Not necessarily because of the idea of only 2 months out of the entire year being wonderfully only 75-80 degrees, but more because they only have those two months of beautiful weather to look forward to all year.  Sure, it doesn't generally get SUPER cold up here, and it never gets SUPER hot, but you know what the nuns would call that shit.


Limbo.


Yeah, I'm pretty sure that if I had to start out with building limbo from scratch, I'd begin with the weather from up here.  I'd even keep the 2 months of semi-beautiful weather.  Because I'm pretty sure that they only look so good because of the other 9 months of absolutely horrid weather, and serve to make the rest of it that much more miserable by comparison.  You see (and this is the part where the Catholic/Dante's Divine Comedy jokes are gonna get a bit thick, so you might want to shut your brain off right now)  the great punishment of purgatory is the denial of the presence of God (fucking esoteric, right?) and it's made all the worse by the knowledge of the nearness of God's divine grace (summer).  And even when they GET summer up here, it's only a pale imitation of what you can get in the rest of the world, so it's not the TRUE grace of God present in their lives.  What I'm trying to say is this:

Unbaptized babies go to Seattle.


Chew on THAT, Fatheads.

Self-Flagellation and Weigh In

So, as a Catholic, you know I'm all about the penance, and that's what yesterday was.  No food (other than a few of my sugar-free hard candies) and some exercise to make up for Friday's sins.  Saturday is even a traditional day for confession, dontchaknow.

Weight:     300.4 lbs
Body Fat: 42.2%
Water:      44.3%

 And the Lord has seen fit to forgive my transgressions!  This means I get to eat today!  Shit, I better hurry, I've only got another 9 minutes to eat lunch.

Lunch and Forgiveness

Forgive me readers, for my sins are legion.  First and foremost, the sin of sloth.  I confess, I have not precisely measured my dressing in the past.  I knew those little tin things I'd been using were roughly 4 tbsp, and filled them halfway (2 tbsp).  Indeed, I even told you, dear readers, of my willful bucking of the rules and having 2 tbsp of light dressing (which normally is considered a 'fat serving') rather than the 2 tbsp of fat-free dressing I was allotted by my weight loss gods.  And THIS is my third, and greater, sin.  I did knowingly and willingly have 2 TBSP of full fat dressing for my Fat servings with dinner, repeatedly, and I enjoyed it, woe unto me!  That is TWICE the permissible quantity of full fat dressing in the eyes of the pantheon.  This sin is unforgiveable, and I have taken on an unthinkable penance as a result:

For it is said that in the Hidden Valley, the man might cleans himself of sin.  Yea, the taste is lacking, and YEA, it is not delicious as fatty bleu cheese, whose rot and decay were as that of my own immortal soul, but it shall provide REDEMPTION!

And I have determined that my penance should begin immediately, in concert with my lunch of frozen Steak and Cheese Melt.

Yea, the Steak and Cheese Melt, which is as a Hot Pocket that does not tarnish the immortal soul nor bring on horrible feelings of shame and indigestion.

Yea, and my penance has begun, with the addition of a small measuring cup to my plate with 2 tbsp of the sacred tincture and an abundance of cucumber slices (unlimited vegetables).

Look kindly upon this wretched soul, dear readers, and know his shame.  He has repented, and vowed penance, yet is still lowered in your eyes.  RAISE HIM UP!  JOIN THE FAT-FREE REVOLUTION!

And with that nonsense out of my system, let me treat you to some numbers (all for 2 Tbsp servings):

Marie's Chunky Blue Cheese
Calories                160
Calories From Fat 160
Grams of Fat         17

Marzetti's Light Classic Ranch
Calories                80
Calories From Fat 70
Grams of Fat         8

Hidden Valley Fat Free Ranch
Calories                30
Calories From Fat 0
Grams of Fat         0

Now, I'd be allowed 2 Tbsp of the Light dressing or 1 Tbsp of the full fat dressing for a fat serving (only available at dinner) but is it worth it?  I know I said I wasn't going to sink to these depths, but fuck me, it's time for some slumming.

Didn't get to my French before lunch, but I'm going to do some after I publish this.

Playing Catch-Up

So I'm just gonna speed through the last two days.

For lunch yesterday, I had some of my Cheesy Homestyle potatoes.

Delicious as always. However, as I was eating it, I was faced with this:

You see, the family had a very early "dinner" because some members needed to head for the hills. The asparagus was the one part of the meal I could have partaken in at dinner, but, since it was drenched in butter, I will not be able to use any of it. The leftover ham I will be able to use as a protein with my breakfasts and morning snacks, which I'm thankful for.

For dinner that evening, I had a Cheese & Spinach Ravioli with Meat Sauce, but I DID NOT have a Chocolate Peanut Butter Bar, and I will tell you why soon.

I had a juice box (fruit), some celery and ranch dressing (unlimited vegetable) and a slice of toast (not pictured, carbohydrate) for sides.

The reason I did not have the bar for dessert was the fortunate (for me) decision of a sibling to drop off of Nutrisystem. He doesn't need to lose as much weight, and with his goals, he just needs to get his tubby ass to the gym more often, so it probably makes sense for him. Fortunately, I and another member of the household on Nutrisystem were able to get another month's worth of food each out of his supplies that he brought home at Easter.

One of the results was the introduction of the delicious Oatmeal Raisin Cookie into my life. I enjoyed the hell out of it, and will have to amend my future food orders to include them. This brings us to this morning.

I enjoyed some Lowfat Granola Cereal for breakfast. This is probably my favorite cereal on the program.

I also had some toast (carbohydrate), 8oz of nonfat milk (dairy) and a juice box (fruit) for sides. The cereals all include 4oz of milk to go with the cereal. I had to spend most of the morning driving people to their homes out of town, so I decided to pack a morning snack and lunch bar into the car.

I packed a guestimated ounce of ham and juice box for the morning snack, along with a Chocolate Peanut Butter Bar for lunch. I enjoyed the morning snack on the fly in the car, but decided not to bother with the lunch.

Overall, I'm pretty proud of this weekend. I didn't sneak so much as a jelly bean, and continued weight loss through a holiday. I also passed the 30 lbs mark (my Nutrisystem starting number was 370 lbs, although it should have been closer to 380 lbs).

Unfortunately, I was rather tired after I got back from dropping people off, and I appear to have napped through snack and dinner. Going to bed hungry is not so awful, so I will continue on the great journey tomorrow.

/massive update

Dinner is Important

I didn't manage to eat since morning snack, and I was in the car for almost 6 hours. I should not repeat this experiment.

I had Chicken Pasta Parmesan and a Chocolate Caramel Bar for my Good Friday dinner, because I'm a filthy sinner.

For sides, I made some corn (carbohydrate) with butter (fat) and had a salad with some chopped lettuce (unlimited), broccoli (vegetable) and light dressing. I had begun to fear that I was overdoing eyeballing my corn servings, so I have started using a measuring cup, instead. Looks like I was pretty close, but I would rather be sure about it. Now, I'm aware that corn and chicken pasta parmesan don't really go well together, but I chose my sides before choosing a dinner. Whatever, it tasted fine.

The Chocolate Carmel Bar was tasty. As with most of the dessert bars, it's rice puff crispy stuff with whatever the name of the bar is drizzled on it.

Well, I'm going to go have a quick lie down before I need to go pick up other family members. Keep the suffering visage of the Lord in your thoughts tonight.

Straight to hell, so why not keep going?

http://twitter.com/jesus/status/11496307162

Fatness on the Fly

I'm posting quick morning snack pics, because I need to get on the road.

I get a protein and a fruit, so I went with un oeuf and a juice box.

Didn't remember until after it was in the pan that I didn't get a carb with snack, so I had to crack the yolk to make it edible. I have to pick up family in neighboring cities today, so I doubt I will update until late evening or tomorrow. Fight the power Oscar Romero style. Without eating meat on Friday, that'll show The Man.

Dinner Happened, Then SQUIRREL

As mentioned, the food order arrived today, and I felt compelled, perhaps by divine calling, to try one of the new Nutrisystem dishes.

I entered the BBQ Sauce with Pork Wrap a little wary, as I'd tried a similar new dish with Buffalo Chicken awhile back, and was not impressed.

So far, it was pretty much the same. Wrapper in one packet, meat and sauce in another.

The instructions called for first microwaving the meats, then tortilla, and combining AS GOD WILLS IT.

I gotta say, I was less than enthused about this dish at this point, particularly because I was burning my goddamned fingers on the meat while i was pushing it out of the packet.

So I decided not to risk hot saucy pork spilling all over my chest and face and only putting about half of it in the wrap. As I had not had anything to eat all day (busy busy) the thought of this meat landing anywhere but in my wet waiting mouth just wasn't in the cards.

For my sides, I once again enjoyed some corn (carbohydrate) with butter (fat), and some chopped up cucumbers and broccoli with lite dressing as a salad.

OHMYSWEETTITTYFUCKINGLORD. This is my new favorite dinner entree. This meal was about as close to a summer BBQ dinner as you can come while eating diet food. I think I eyeballed my corn wrong, but otherwise, this was the perfect meal, that I was very sad had to come to an end...

BUT WAIT! A CHALLENGER APPEARS! And what a challenger! The Peppermint Cookie Patty was one of my few desserts ordered with today's food delivery, and it is, without a doubt, one of the most non-diet-tasting foods on Nutrisystem. It just tastes like a York Peppermint Patty with some cookie around it.

Now, not one of us needs to mention what this looks like. I haven't shown you pictures of THAT yet, and you know you should be thanking me for it. Really, though, if a Seraphim (self censored, it was just too vulgar, trust me, what you're going to come up with to put here is NOTHING compared to the ridiculous run-on sentence that this one replaced) over your face, in your hair and down your neck, it would be like this.

Well, that's about all I've got, I continue to suffer from gummi-induced gastrointestinal distress, crapping out only digestive juices that sear my rectum and destroying the local ecosystem by eating their way through sewer mains. I may have to give in to peer pressure and pop a gray wizard.

Dinner of MEAT

So, following the afternoon revelation, I decided to go whole hog on dinner, and eat the Lasagna with MEAT sauce for dinner.

followed by the Double Chocolate Almond Cookie for dessert. As far as microwave lasagnas go, it's pretty decent. A bit light on the cheese, but there's sufficient meat sauce to make it tasty. A bit more kidney beans and peas than I'm used to in Lasagna, though:

Yeah, one of the fun things with this food, is that you'll occasionally encounter these healthy "filler foods" that round out protein and whatnot without increasing the fat and calorie count to an undue amount.

So, as sides, I once again decided on kalamata olives as a fat, romaine lettuce with a lite ranch as a unlimited vegetable, a piece of wheat bread as a carbohydrate, and some strawberries for my fruit.

Dessert was enjoyable. Chocolate and strawberries have certainly come in better forms, but rarely in diet food.

So I know that I said I wasn't going to go the non-fat dressing route... and I fucking haven't. I decided to try a "lite" dressing as a compromise between non-fat and tubby style, and this one's been pretty tasty. I'ts T. Marzetti's Light Classic Ranch (seen here: http://www.marzetti.com/products/marzetti/detail.php?bc=32&cid=1&pid=115 ). It's not super light, but it's better than going all the way with a sweet tub of Marzetti's Bleau Cheese dressing. Allowing it to slowly and deliciously caress your tongue, sliding down the back of your throa...

Moving on, it's pretty good shit, I'd recommend any of the Marzetti dressings that apply to your diet situation. As a salad topper or vegetable dip, they're pretty sweet. As for it's uses as a lube product, however, I anticipate reviews pouring into the email account: fatassengineer@gmail.com .

Following this meal, I am full, and prepared to watch GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra (because the internet has taught me to ENJOY watching my childhood be penetrated over and over again like a 15 cent hooker in a freshman dorm), prior to the weekend's gaming festivities, where either aliens or zombies will be slaughtered in bulk.

Fucking Lent

I just realized it's fucking lent... God I suck at religion. Let it be noted I have at least a dozen different items that I could have eaten for lunch that contained no meat. Wait... but I don't think I have any non-meat dinners.... Fucking awesome. I realize I've fucked up, and intend to do better later, and realize that fucking up is in my future. Well, I'm not going to hell for this, I'm going to hell for saying fuck Lent. Or that other thing, you know the one.