Almost Forgot A Title

God damnit, Blackberry.  So, if you should wake up earlier than you intend to, never look at your work Blackberry and start to write an email, if you do, you will inevitably become fully awake and end up in the office far earlier than you intended, because you've decided  you need to see the things that are there that you don't have at home (airplanes).  Maybe accountants and lawyers don't have this problem...

Weight:     298.8 lbs
Body Fat: 41.2%
Water:      45%

On an unrelated note, I still haven't taken a shit in.. 3 days?  This is beginning to annoy me.  Something about being at work 12 hours a day just doesn't lend itself to peaceful, contemplative time on the crapper.

I took lunch and snacks to work yesterday, and ate dinner out.  I haven't had time to go to the supermarket, and I'm traveling for work soon, so it's hard to justify full loaves of bread or half-gallons of milk, so I'm getting low on supplies, and was unable to have a protein or dairy with breakfast (eggs take too much time when in a hurry).



As a direct result of this, I can't really justify too much writing for this blog this morning, and my brain is already completely focused on work... and possibly taking a crap before I get my shower.

My DJs in a row, Fatheads.

Fun in the Sunset

I caught sunrise on the east coast of Florida this morning, and I caught sunset off the Keys this evening.

But in between, there was much travel and 2 interesting meals.  One of the great food groups I love that I've often been denied (for years) by geography is seafood, so I had to have a day of it while the getting was good.  For lunch, I stopped and had some fried shrimp and onion rings.  Totally worth it, after my exile in the midwest for many years.

Before and after lunch, I spent most of the day on the A1A and US-1, which are both much more scenic than the interstate.  Just FYI, if you ever try it, the Canaveral State Park does not pass through to the other nearby national park, although your map will probably tell you it does.  Just go out to US-1 or 95, if you need to keep moving.  Otherwise, the parks look lovely, and if I ever come down again, I will spend some time in them.  I did eventually have to switch over to 95, because I wanted to catch the sunset in the Keys, and wouldn't be able to going 45 mph or less.

I stopped at a seafood joint for dinner, and had some fried clamstrips, fried fish (for the life of me I can't remember the kind), and peal and eat shrimp.  These came with a side of green beans and, I realized when they arrived, 2 enormous sides of fries.  I didn't eat many fries, or the cole slaw, both of which are now sitting in my cooler for... you know, I should just throw them out.  I don't really like cole slaw, and the fries just are terrible for me.  I enjoyed my little seafood binge, but tomorrow I've decided to go hardline diet, again.

I did make it to a decent spot in time to snap some shots of the sunset.  It appears there may have been some crap on my lens, which irks me, but I still like a number of the pictures I took.  I think I'm going to try and hit sunrise on the gulf coast in Texas and sunset on the west coast, as well, to round things out.

I didn't crap again today, and really hope to tomorrow morning, when I also get to have a shower since I'm staying in a legit campground tonight.  There's a Starbucks in Key West I think I'll target for breakfast, so I can hit internet and grab breakfast.  That's all I've got for today, party people, so I'm going to roll over and try to sleep.

Lunch and Some Interstate Fun

Today's travel has been all on the interstate, so I haven't seen much of interest.  I had to make up some time, and I've done that.  I'm stopped for a bit because I (finally) had to drop a deuce, and I figured I'd rest up and knock out a lunch entry, while I'm here.

I set out this morning fully prepared to eat a proper lunch and dinner, and things were going well at the start of lunch.  When I stopped for gas in South Carolina, my Red Beans and Rice was hot from sitting on the back deck of the car, and I ripped off the top, put a bit of water in it (as you're supposed to), stuck a fork in it and placed it by the shifter in the car.  Unfortunately, as I sat down next to it, the damned thing spilled out all over the floor.  Recalling a sign I'd seen at the ramp, I put the car in gear and headed out.

One of the things I've been told to try on the journey was a chain restaurant called Bojangles.  They're a primarily southern fast food chain, although they appear to have one location in PA and several in Maryland and DC (http://www.bojangles.com/aboutus_locations.html).  Specifically, I was told to try the Ham Biscuit, which is a slice of ham on a biscuit, un-shockingly.

I decided against the Ham Biscuit (because my car's messy enough without biscuit all over it.in favor of some manner of Cajun Club sandwich, which was fried chicken with some manner of sweet mustard sauce and lettuce & tomato.  It was good, although not worth a re-destruction of the diet for a second visit.

I should get back on the road, when I get nearer to where I intend to stop for the night, I need to find a grocery store and re-stock on milk.  Since I think I'm mostly abandoning eggs as a primary protein source, I think I can upgrade from a quart to a half gallon, and re-purpose my milk Nalgene as a third water Nalgene, to try and keep up with the pace of sweat in the 95+ heat.

Yesterday's Meals and Today's Breakfast

So yesterday was a bit of a failure.  I got on the road around noon, after getting the new tires, and grabbed a Whopper meal from Burger King for lunch.  There are a dozen excuses for this, most of which involve the fact that I was now a full day behind schedule and hadn't had morning time to prep lunch, but it's still a failure.

I spent most of the day on the Blue Ridge Parkway, which is an extension of the scenic drive from Shenandoah National Park through Virginia and North Carolina.

Needless to say, it was very pretty.  There aren't as many scenic overlooks that you can just pull off for and snap shots of as there were on the Skyline Drive, but there were a much higher concentration of ones where you could take a 30-45 minute hike to get to one.  Unfortunately, I was pretty far behind schedule (I was supposed to get on the road much earlier in the morning) and I did not have time to take any of the hikes.  I think I might have to come back and do them when I return to this part of the country, because they all seemed very nice.

As I said, I was way behind schedule yesterday, so I made the decision to get off the Blue Ridge Pkwy once I entered North Carolina.  I wish I'd taken pictures of the state crossover, which was just a small wood sign in the middle of nowhere, but that brings me to the other reason I decided to get off the parkway: I was losing the light.  Yes, I was almost stuck driving around on a winding mountain road in the middle of the evening.  Fortunately, I was able to leave before I lost the light, and jogged down the state to get on the interstate system, where I found a very late dinner of McDonalds (quarterpounder meal, I'm a bad person) and a KOA campground for the night.

I spent the evening, and got up this morning and grabbed a shower.  Oh, Glorious Shower Day!  I was hoping to drop a deuce, since I haven't since starting the trip, but it appears my colon's on lock-down.  I then proceeded back to my car, where I sweated into my nice clean clothes while refilling my water can and moving things around for better access.  I grabbed a piece of wheat bread (carbohydrate) that I ate while I took care of things, and then sat down to the remainder of breakfast.

I had Nutricinnamon Squares Cereal with a juice box (fruit) and 8 oz of additional nonfat milk (dairy).  I have a carton of eggs in the cooler, but I'm starting to reconsider them and instead just always having milk as my morning dairy instead of protein.  Cooking is annoying.

I'm back on schedule today, and lunch is already warming in the sun on the back deck of the car, so now, it's time to book it.

(Sorry I forgot to get weighed this morning, I'm working on my morning routine.)

So I've been up all night, haven't crapped in more than 24 hours, and am kind of annoyed with both of these things.

Weight:     292.8 lbs
Body Fat: 39.6%
Water:      46.3%

Solution: breakfast.

Snack, Dinner and Workout

So I didn't crap today, which is annoying, but I did grab a snack and dinner.

For my snack, I had a bag of BBQ Soy Chips.

For dinner, I had a bowl of Chili with Beans, along with some steamed broccoli (vegetable), celery (unlimited vegetable), 2 tbsp of light ranch (fat), and a piece of wheat toast (carbohydrate).  I did not have dessert.

I have been forgetting my camera at meal time, which I intend to stop tomorrow.  I headed down to the basement to take care of a few things after dinner.

60 mins treadmill

Polar HRM
Calories Burned: 800
Max Heart Rate: 172
Avg Heart Rate: 149

 So that was fun, and I considered doing some Wii Fit afterwards, but by the time I got around to it, it was 10:30, and I didn't want to end up sleeping late again tomorrow.

Weigh In of Lateness

So I slept very late today, possibly because I was working out until 11pm last night.

Weight:     298.6 lbs
Body Fat: 41.8%
Water:      44.6%

No crapping has happened yet today, but no eating, either.  I think I shall go walk on the treadmill, either before or after I get a snack.

Many Things

So I neglected to update after breakfast yesterday, and we've got some room to cover.  I'm just gonna go with the cliff's notes, for the sake of brevity, and skip to this evening's workout.

I ate typical lunch and dinner yesterday, with nary a frozen food in site, and did not get around to working out.  I didn't take a crap yesterday, which is unusual for me, since I've been indulging in a sugar free candy habit.  As a direct result of that habit, I'm pretty sure all my numbers have been skewed down 4-5 lbs, because I crap out EVERYTHING once a day when I indulge.  I get shits like that from this food occasionally, but not with the frequency that habit lead to.  So I'm taking a break from the things, and as a result didn't crap yesterday, and decided not to get weighed this morning.

I ate the same breakfast today I had yesterday.  It seems I had another burrito in my freezer I didn't know about (still have a whole pile of frozen breakfasts from previous orders).  I had my standard beans and rice dish for lunch, and I can't even remember what I had for dinner, but it was a standard Nutrisystem meal.


I played 9 holes of golf this morning, and we'll just say I need a lot of work and leave it at that.  It was nice to get out on the course, though.  This evening, I hit the basement gym, LATE, after dinner, and did the following:

32 mins treadmill
3 weight sets
48 mins treadmill


Polar HRM
Calories Burned: 1992
Max Heart Rate: 180
Avg Heart Rate: 142

Now, this included some serious down-time, which probably contributed to a decreased average heart rate, so I thought I'd check my divisions on the web site (I change laps when I hit different activities, to divide average heart rates) and jot those down:

Average Heart Rates
1st Treadmill Zone:  159
Weight Lifting Zone: 123
2nd Treadmill Zone: 161

So I feel better about that.

Now, I really need to take a shower and have a nice lie-down.  Oh, and I've applied for like, 3 new job openings... and 4 have been canceled since Monday.

Dinner

So I've continued playing with the new camera this afternoon, and dinner pictures went a bit more smoothly than lunch pictures.

I decided on the Lasagna with Meat Sauce for dinner, because it never disappoints me.

For sides, I had my 2 Tbsp of Fat Free Ranch (christ, this may be what kills me), some celery (unlimited vegetable), cauliflower (vegetable), some green olives (fat) and a slice of wheat toast (carbohydrate).

As always, the lasagna was good, and I actually felt like eating dessert, afterward.

I had one of my many Ice Cream Sandwiches for dessert, and I have no complaints about it.

Tomorrow, I'm going to spend a bit of the day driving around with the new camera, see if there's any fun to be had with it.  Now, the crapper calls to me.

Lunch and Excitement

For those of you following the twitter updates, you know I got the new camera today.  I have unbox porn for you here.

For those of you only here for food porn, rejoice in fancy new camera pictures of lunch.

For lunch, I had the Cheesy Mashed Potatoes, because they are delicious.

I didn't really feel like having anything else with lunch, and I felt full afterwards.

I disabled the datestamp after I dumped my initial pictures onto the computer, so that won't have to happen ever again.  In other exciting news, I finally managed a bit of a crap after lunch.  The candy must have payed off.  Now I'm going to go read more of the manual, because my knowledge of aperture settings and exposure time has little to do with anything but viewing photography.

Bad Sleep and Weigh In

I woke up at 2:30 this morning, and didn't get back to sleep until 4:30, so I only just got up at 7.

Weight:     327.8 lbs
Body Fat: 47.7%
Water:      40.0%

Upon further examination, I think it's supposed to be body fat %, not BMI.  Again, I have not crapped since Sunday.  I think I'll have some sugarfree candy this morning and afternoon, and see if I can't get my juices flowing.

I'm not using the Wii this morning, because I think my shoulder needs a break (boxing aerobics thing) and I don't want to rush through my morning, again.  The new camera should get here, today, and I'm powering through the "for dummies" guide, so lunch or dinner pictures might be far more exciting (to me, at least) than usual.

I Need a Real Alarm Clock

So I THOUGHT that if I ignored the first song my alarm played, it would act like I hit snooze and play another one in a few minutes. I was incorrect, or the latest software update to the phone changed that. So I just woke up at 7, and I'm going to go eat breakfast and work out later in the morning. I will remember this for the future.

327.8 lbs
47.9% BMI
39.9% Water

My scale outputs BMI and Water percent, and I have no idea how accurate these numbers are, but I may as well record them, right? Now, it should be noted that I haven't crapped since Sunday, so I must be due, and I'm not worried about the minor increase in weight. Getting weighed has inspired me to put off breakfast and work out, first.

Today's Time: 57 Minutes
Today's Calories: 514 Calories

Today was exciting, I took the lift feet off of the balance board, and didn't need to trick the scale into thinking I wasn't too fat to ride. I mainly did the Hula Hoop and Boxing Aerobics exercises, with one session of the Step Aerobics session in the middle for a brief respite. Now, I need to go eat breakfast before I run out of time, and then hop in the shower.

Dinner and Lack of Hunger

I wasn't paying attention during mealtimes today, and therefore missed all opportunities to eat until dinner.


I decided on some Lasagna with Meat Sauce and a Peanut Butter Cookie.

For Sides, I had some wheat toast (carbohydrate), celery (unlimited vegetable), broccoli (vegetable), green olives (fat) and some lite ranch dressing. I wasn't particularly hungry this evening, and only ate about half of the lasagna, but I did eat all my vegetables (minus 3 olives).

I did eat my cookie, despite my slightly sour stomach. Unfortunately, it was a bit on the dry side.

Fortunately, my stomach is now perfectly settled as I took a rather explosive shit. My god, you wouldn't have believed it. The entire rear third of the bowl was covered in little shit bits. It was like an inverse starfield made from my ass.

Once again, thank me for not treating you to shit pictures, because I was pretty proud of this travesty of crap.

Morning Fatness Update

Let's get right into it, shall we?

338.6 lbs

Now, I haven't crapped in 2 days, so I'm not worried about it.

A brief word on my favorite topic other than dick jokes: poop. Now, I get into a cycle with this diet. Most of the time, I have no trouble crapping on it. Hell, I crap like the mighty Niagra Falls. However, this has, on occasion, been detrimental to things like going outside or sleeping. Sometimes, the spigot just won't turn off.

At such times as this, I call in my friend Gandalf.

Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I love this shit. Crapping stops IMMEDIATELY, and frequently for a few days. Now, normally, not crapping for a few days would be bloating and painful, however, as my shits are all smaller than my wallet. I currently crap less in four days than I normally do in a day, so it's actually fun to have a few days without crapping: at the end I feel like I've actually taken a shit.

In other news, I fucking hate TV. I have a DVR and I don't think I could watch TV on a diet without it. Denny's ads are like porn to me. The things I would do to biscuits and gravy defy description right now. Fortunately, an Old Spice ad came on immediately after the Denny's ad, and that made me not so hungry.



That is going on the "hunger killer" videos list.

It's A Holiday, I Slept In

WEIGH IN!

340.4 lbs

I haven't taken a shit in two goddamned days. Gandalf still fights the Balrog, I guess. I mean, I'm not eating enough to even feel constipated, but still, give me another three or four days, and I'll begin to feel uncomfortable.

It's too late for lunch, so I guess I'll hit my afternoon snack at 3:30.

Dinner Happened, Then SQUIRREL

As mentioned, the food order arrived today, and I felt compelled, perhaps by divine calling, to try one of the new Nutrisystem dishes.

I entered the BBQ Sauce with Pork Wrap a little wary, as I'd tried a similar new dish with Buffalo Chicken awhile back, and was not impressed.

So far, it was pretty much the same. Wrapper in one packet, meat and sauce in another.

The instructions called for first microwaving the meats, then tortilla, and combining AS GOD WILLS IT.

I gotta say, I was less than enthused about this dish at this point, particularly because I was burning my goddamned fingers on the meat while i was pushing it out of the packet.

So I decided not to risk hot saucy pork spilling all over my chest and face and only putting about half of it in the wrap. As I had not had anything to eat all day (busy busy) the thought of this meat landing anywhere but in my wet waiting mouth just wasn't in the cards.

For my sides, I once again enjoyed some corn (carbohydrate) with butter (fat), and some chopped up cucumbers and broccoli with lite dressing as a salad.

OHMYSWEETTITTYFUCKINGLORD. This is my new favorite dinner entree. This meal was about as close to a summer BBQ dinner as you can come while eating diet food. I think I eyeballed my corn wrong, but otherwise, this was the perfect meal, that I was very sad had to come to an end...

BUT WAIT! A CHALLENGER APPEARS! And what a challenger! The Peppermint Cookie Patty was one of my few desserts ordered with today's food delivery, and it is, without a doubt, one of the most non-diet-tasting foods on Nutrisystem. It just tastes like a York Peppermint Patty with some cookie around it.

Now, not one of us needs to mention what this looks like. I haven't shown you pictures of THAT yet, and you know you should be thanking me for it. Really, though, if a Seraphim (self censored, it was just too vulgar, trust me, what you're going to come up with to put here is NOTHING compared to the ridiculous run-on sentence that this one replaced) over your face, in your hair and down your neck, it would be like this.

Well, that's about all I've got, I continue to suffer from gummi-induced gastrointestinal distress, crapping out only digestive juices that sear my rectum and destroying the local ecosystem by eating their way through sewer mains. I may have to give in to peer pressure and pop a gray wizard.

Food Delivery

Today, I got food delivery from Nutrisystem.

It comes in a large box.

What is in this box, this box that rocks?

A monthly diet book, an inventory of what's in the box, and a welcome letter to my program.

The book primarily contains a series of daily pages, with check boxes for each item I can eat at each meal, along with this Grocery Guide in the back, which lists out what carbohydrates, vegetables, proteins etc. are.

It also contains this handy Dining Out Guide. That has both general eating out advice and ethnicity/genre-specific restaurants. When eating Chinese, avoid fried foods, buy steamed dishes, when eating British food, avoid it and just kill yourself, and so on and so forth.

They always pack their boxes with three trays, because that's about what you need to fit 4 weeks of food. In this picture, I've already removed most of the bubble packs they use to fill space. Of course, since I'm on the Select plan, I only get 2 weeks of non-refrigerated food, so I can condense them down to two or fewer boxes.

As you can see here, I've condensed the food down to two trays, and added a hammer and DeWalt drill to help with my various colon problems associated with the diet and having consumed exactly 12 gummi bears made with lycasin (jesus god, I think I'm just crapping pure stomach juices.

I got a few special entrees that are new to Nutrisystem that I'll be trying in the near future, but I mostly got standbys that I know I like. Granola, Cinnamon Squares cereal, and Blueberry Muffins for breakfast. Sausage Beans and Rice, Cheesy Mashed Potatoes, Turkey Hot Dogs and Pasta (2 separate dishes, thank god) for lunch. Lasagna, Rotini with Meatballs, and BBQ Beef for dinner. A ton of BBQ and Sour Cream and Onion Soy chips, and some Peanut Butter Cookies and Peppermint things for snacks and desserts.

I still have a bunch of other food I need to go through, but I'll start interspersing the couple of dishes I didn't mention here that I haven't tried before while I work through my current food. Also, I should be getting a frozen food delivery from Schwan in the next 14 days.

Additionally, I received an order from Amazon today, that contained a few sugar-free candies. I ordered some gummi bears, Twizzlers, Life Savers, and some brand of Lollipops made with Splenda. Now, I ordered these things because I can't chew gum anymore, for one reason or another, and sugar-free hard candy is one of the things I can occupy my oral fixation with since I quit smoking and still don't understand why it's a problem when politicians go to lesbian sex clubs. (there's a dick sucking joke in there, see if you can find it)

At any rate, as mentioned, I think I should probably toss the gummi bears, for the sake of my rectum. I didn't realize how high the calorie count was for Twizzlers (130 calories for fucking 6 sugar-free Twizzlers is not fucking worth it, I'd rather eat my soy chips), so I'll foist them off on someone else. The lollipops are pretty good, so they're staying, and Lifesavers are hard to go wrong with, even sugar-free.

Everybody Leave, I Have to Poop.... NOW!

So one of the greatest things about this diet comes from the occasional violent crapping that happens. I mean, I'm normally a one shit every day or so guy, but when the horn-spatter shits come, I know there will be aftershocks. Once again, you ingrates should thank me, as I made the kind decision not to torture you with the splatter my ass is currently producing in photo form.

No, you just get to digest the delicious chunks of my shit in word form. Fortunately, I can pop a magic little Immodium AD, the Gandalf of my stomach.

Mid Day Weigh In

Because I didn't feel like eating lunch today, I am moving towards morning weigh-ins, and because fuck you, that's why, I bring you today's number.

346.6 lbs

I just took an explosive shit, could have something to do with all the fiber in this food. Hopefully, I'll get that on some kind of schedule soon, so that I don't have to live in fear of my own ass.

Don't feel much like eating lunch, so maybe I'll do an afternoon snack.

Late or Early Weigh In

Gaming happened until around 1am, dropped a deuce, cleaned up the dvr a bit and started watching Repo: The Genetic Opera after that. Sleep eludes me.

350.0 lbs

That's all I got, gonna try and sleep, now. Probably won't be eating breakfast today, maybe I'll get to eat lunch, we'll see.