What the Hell am I Eating?

So, I mentioned in the previous posting that I am rigidly applying the Nutrisystem framework to determine what/when/how I can eat. I realize that most people don't actually know what that entails, so here it is. Oh, and so help me God, I will mercilessly mock anyone who emails me to ask what the schedule is in anything but jest. Except for you four, you know who the fuck you are.

Breakfast
Nutrisystem Breakfast Entree
Dairy OR Protein
Fruit
Carbohydrate

Morning Snack
Dairy or Protein
Fruit

Lunch
Nutrisystem Lunch Entree
"Unlimited" Vegetable
2 tbsp of Fat Free Dressing

Afternoon Snack
Nutrisystem Dessert Entree

Dinner
Nutrisystem Dinner Entree
"Unlimited" Vegetable
Nutrisystem Dessert Entree
2 tbsp of Fat Free Dressing
Vegetable or Fruit
Fat
Carbohydrate

As for the Nutrisystem dishes I'll be eating, I am actually getting the "select" program. Meaning, each month I get two weeks of refrigerated food, and 2 weeks of non-refrigerated food (standard program is just 4 weeks of non-refrigerated food). The fridge stuff is far superior to the other stuff, not that I dislike the other stuff. The 2 weeks of regular Nutrisystem can be picked from their various selections, but the 2 weeks of refrigerated food are determined by the company.

The main problem with this is that, so far, all the snacks/desserts on the refrigerated program are fat free or low fat ice cream monstrosities that only start to look good a few weeks in. As a result of this, I order all my "snack" Desserts from the dry menu, and I order comparatively few Dessert Desserts that I actually like. Fortunately, I'm more of a salty snack person than a dessert person, anyway.

There are prescribed amounts for each of the sub-items that are of a non-Nutrisystem variety, of which I'll list some samples below (these will be the things I primarily think I'll actually eat). I will mention here, as a brief aside: fuck fat free dressing. I'm not doing that, and I'm going to have regular dressing (for now, at least) with my lunch salad. If I think that's fucking me in the ass (with lard) I'll drop it, but not until then.

Dairy
Cheese, lowfat 1 oz
Cheese, nonfat 1 oz
Milk, nonfat 8 oz
Yogurt, nonfat 8 oz

Protein
Canadian Bacon 1 oz (1 thick piece)
Turkey Breast 1 oz
Egg Whites 3 Large
Egg 1 Large
(basically, any lean meat) 1 oz

Fruit
Apple 1 small
Grapefruit half a fruit
Fruit Juice .33-.50 cup (depending on sugar level)
Grapes 15

Carbohydrate
Bread 1 slice
Peas, Green, cooked .50 cup
Corn, cooked, .50 cup

Unlimited Vegetable (can be eaten at any time in any quantity)
Lettuce
Cucumbers
Celery

Limited Vegetables
Bell Peppers (raw) 1 cup (like... 1 pepper)
Broccoli (raw) 1 cup
Cauliflower (raw) 1 cup
Carrots 1 cup


Questions should be addressed to shutthefuckupandgooglenutrisystem@nutrisystemdotcommotherfucker.com


*Edited 3-24-10 to add "Nutrisystem Dessert Entree" to Dinner